Thursday, May 15, 2014

Times like these.

   Lately I've been undergoing something I'd like to call my "Insane Brain,". During this time, my mind is thrown through three different thinking processes. One being my mature side, two being my scared side, and one being my quitter side. As the mature side tries to perk everyone else up, trying to pre-pair  them for those big life moments, my other two sides crank up the confusion. Thus releasing total madness.

    And I think my biggest fear of right now is age. I'm caught in a game of tug-of-war with my innocent young self pleading me to stay where it's safe and familiar. While grown up me is tugging me to began my life and try new things. While me in the middle is ripping in the middle.                                  
I find myself always pondering either side. And I think for many in my age bracket,
this is a huge issue. We long for freedom, but when the road seems unfamiliar, we run back for cover. For many of my friends, this doesn't seem to be an issue. So I am trapped in my little bubble, unable to share my inner feelings. And as far as family goes, they're no help either. Because of this "insane brain", your family is unfamiliar, your issues from when you were 5 are far different now.
And that's were I stop thinking. My nerves go spiral in my noggin, and
I'm realizing that I've thought about age far too hard. I'm not sure if others get this way, I assume so. Though we are all different, we all share the struggles of change. And overtime, we overcome the change. We overcome the fear of that change.
I feel that if I focused on all the change that's happened in my life I'd
be in one of those big white squishy rooms while I'm strained up. This just goes to show that I am one that over thinks to much. I'm also one who is not good with change. For example. I was horribly saddened when the Trix cereal was changed from flower shapes to circles.
Yeah it's sad.
One way that I've gotten over this aging~change is my sisters. Being
the middle child, I have both an older sister to share more mature moments with, while I'm still able to watch my childhood cartoons with my little sister. I also have found another way to look at this change. I've decided to appreciate the moment, and not let this chapter of my life fly by. For those of you reading this, and who are feeling the same way, just know you're not alone. We're both feeling it right now, and it is a bummer. But let's both work on improving that. And find the good stuff of being our age.

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